1 00:00:02,953 --> 00:00:05,913 [both chuckling] 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,872 [rock music] 3 00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:15,879 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:17,664 --> 00:00:20,101 [both chuckling] 5 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:22,538 Uh, hey, baby. 6 00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,714 Want to come with us to Burger World? 7 00:00:24,801 --> 00:00:26,107 Maybe buy us some burgers 8 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,631 and maybe a little something on the side? 9 00:00:28,718 --> 00:00:31,765 Get lost, creeps. 10 00:00:31,852 --> 00:00:34,550 She didn't slap us like usual, Butt-Head. 11 00:00:34,637 --> 00:00:38,467 I think she's starting to come around. 12 00:00:38,554 --> 00:00:41,949 Whoa, some dumbass is getting his car towed. 13 00:00:42,036 --> 00:00:44,343 [both laugh] 14 00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:46,301 Dumbass. 15 00:00:46,388 --> 00:00:48,129 Um... 16 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,392 wait a second, that's our car. 17 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,352 Uh, what's the problem, officer? 18 00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:55,180 Your car's impounded. 19 00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:58,835 You have over $500 in unpaid parking tickets. 20 00:00:58,922 --> 00:01:03,492 In our defense, officer, parking sucks. 21 00:01:03,579 --> 00:01:05,842 People like you shouldn't be on the road 22 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:07,366 if you can't follow the rules. 23 00:01:07,453 --> 00:01:10,195 Your licenses are suspended until you pay the fines. 24 00:01:12,153 --> 00:01:13,937 Uh... 25 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,767 Okay, Beavis, we need to find where they give you 26 00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:19,595 your license back. 27 00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:23,643 Uh, that line sucks. 28 00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:26,907 Yeah, that's gonna take forever. 29 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:29,823 There's no line at that one. 30 00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:32,304 Yeah, let's go there. 31 00:01:33,957 --> 00:01:37,613 Uh, we need a license. 32 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,485 Well, congratulations. 33 00:01:39,572 --> 00:01:40,921 And how's your day going so far? 34 00:01:41,008 --> 00:01:43,663 Uh, today sucks. 35 00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:46,187 Yeah, we just wanted to go to Burger World, 36 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,494 but then our neighbor yelled at us and called us creeps. 37 00:01:48,581 --> 00:01:50,191 And then this cop was like, 38 00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:53,107 "You and your kind need to get off the streets." 39 00:01:53,194 --> 00:01:55,718 Oh, you poor, sweet, beautiful men. 40 00:01:55,805 --> 00:01:58,025 How can people be so cruel? 41 00:01:58,112 --> 00:01:59,853 I know. 42 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:03,117 We're just, like, two guys trying to live our lives. 43 00:02:03,204 --> 00:02:05,206 Yeah, but sometimes, it just feels like 44 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,729 the whole world is against us. 45 00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:08,296 You know what I'm saying? 46 00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:10,690 Well, I just know there's gonna be a lot 47 00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:13,258 of broken hearts when a couple of hot bachelors 48 00:02:13,345 --> 00:02:14,824 like you go off the market. 49 00:02:14,911 --> 00:02:16,652 Uh... 50 00:02:16,739 --> 00:02:19,786 did you just call us hot bachelors? 51 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,268 Yes, sir, I did, and you are, but not for long. 52 00:02:23,355 --> 00:02:25,444 How does getting married sound? 53 00:02:25,531 --> 00:02:30,057 Whoa, uh, you want to marry us? 54 00:02:30,144 --> 00:02:32,146 Yes, I do, if you're ready. 55 00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:34,888 Uh, excuse me, ma'am. 56 00:02:34,975 --> 00:02:37,717 I need to talk to Beavis for a second. 57 00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:40,110 Um, what's going on? 58 00:02:40,197 --> 00:02:42,983 Don't you see what's happening here, Beavis? 59 00:02:43,070 --> 00:02:45,333 She wants a three-way with us. 60 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,596 - Whoa, really? - Yeah. 61 00:02:47,683 --> 00:02:49,903 But she's, like, old-fashioned, 62 00:02:49,990 --> 00:02:53,646 so we have to get married to her first. 63 00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,996 Is that legal for her to have, like, two husbands? 64 00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:57,954 Who cares, Beavis? 65 00:02:58,041 --> 00:03:00,740 By the time they arrest us, we'll have already scored. 66 00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:02,611 Oh, yeah, yeah. 67 00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:04,961 Yeah, I'd go to jail for that, yeah. 68 00:03:05,048 --> 00:03:08,400 [chuckles] Bo-oi-oi-oing. 69 00:03:09,966 --> 00:03:12,752 We're ready to get married. 70 00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:15,363 This is the happiest day of my life. 71 00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:20,934 Hello, and welcome to my apartment. 72 00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:23,284 "Hello, well, thank you for letting me in! 73 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,851 Ah, ah, ah!" 74 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,592 [chuckling] 75 00:03:26,679 --> 00:03:28,637 "Oh, you want me to take my shoes off? 76 00:03:28,724 --> 00:03:30,160 Ooh!" 77 00:03:30,247 --> 00:03:32,946 "Where do you keep the beer? Hm, hah!" 78 00:03:33,033 --> 00:03:35,514 "This is so fun, oh." 79 00:03:35,601 --> 00:03:39,169 "Oh, sorry I'm late. I was held up in traffic, ah!" 80 00:03:39,256 --> 00:03:40,475 Two roommates in Lower Manhattan, 81 00:03:40,562 --> 00:03:43,043 here in beautiful New York City. 82 00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:44,827 And I've lived here for now a year and a half. 83 00:03:44,914 --> 00:03:46,307 You know what? [chuckles] 84 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,091 I think our apartment's cooler than this. 85 00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:51,268 Yeah, I bet their previous owner didn't kill himself in it 86 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,270 like ours did. 87 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,403 Sliver of window, so it's kind of like a cave in here. 88 00:03:55,490 --> 00:03:57,187 We have a storage closet. 89 00:03:57,274 --> 00:03:59,538 She says everything like it's a question. 90 00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:02,236 "This is my apartment? And it sucks? 91 00:04:02,323 --> 00:04:04,847 And this tour sucks too?" 92 00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,981 The process of doing a baby makeover. 93 00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:11,245 "It does suck, but I'm gonna keep talking about it anyway?" 94 00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:14,161 [chuckles] 95 00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:17,512 We should, like, do a tour of our apartment. 96 00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:20,254 Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. 97 00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:21,864 "Now, this is a couch, 98 00:04:21,951 --> 00:04:25,520 and over there are some pizza boxes?" 99 00:04:25,607 --> 00:04:29,306 "And over on the door, these are eviction notices?" 100 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:32,179 "We got them from our landlord? 101 00:04:32,266 --> 00:04:35,269 He sucks?" 102 00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:37,097 "Here's a conversation piece, 103 00:04:37,184 --> 00:04:39,229 a half-eaten bag of potato chips?" 104 00:04:39,316 --> 00:04:41,318 "On the floor are some beer bottles?" 105 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,408 "You can tell we really love beer?" 106 00:04:43,495 --> 00:04:46,976 "And over here is a rat in a glue trap?" 107 00:04:47,063 --> 00:04:49,805 "And right behind that is a turd?" 108 00:04:49,892 --> 00:04:52,721 "The turd is from the rat 109 00:04:52,808 --> 00:04:56,203 "before he died slowly? 110 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,773 "And over there, that's Beavis? He's a dumbass? 111 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:03,471 I found him when I was banging his mom?" 112 00:05:03,558 --> 00:05:05,342 Shut up, Butt-Head! 113 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,692 "And if you look above my head, 114 00:05:06,779 --> 00:05:08,781 "there's a picture of some guy fishing? 115 00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:11,087 That's Beavis' uncle?" 116 00:05:11,174 --> 00:05:12,306 No, it isn't. 117 00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:13,742 It looks kind of like him, 118 00:05:13,829 --> 00:05:16,136 but I stole it from a Long John Silver's. 119 00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:19,879 Uh, why? 120 00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:21,402 Because the French fries were too hot, 121 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,404 and it pissed me off. 122 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:24,753 And they still wouldn't give me my money back 123 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,233 because I ate 'em all, 124 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,715 so I just, like, took that picture instead. 125 00:05:29,802 --> 00:05:32,239 Uh, I hate it. 126 00:05:32,326 --> 00:05:34,763 Yeah, I hate it too, yeah. 127 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:37,157 "Anyway, back to the tour? 128 00:05:37,244 --> 00:05:40,334 Sometimes, you can hear voices through this wall?" 129 00:05:40,421 --> 00:05:44,077 "Sometimes, the voices tell me to cleanse the city?" 130 00:05:44,164 --> 00:05:46,906 Those voices aren't through the wall, Beavis. 131 00:05:46,993 --> 00:05:50,562 Those are, like, inside your head already. 132 00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:53,652 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sorry. 133 00:05:53,739 --> 00:05:56,785 "That's not part of the apartment tour?" 134 00:05:56,872 --> 00:05:58,526 All right, I hope you enjoyed 135 00:05:58,613 --> 00:06:00,746 my little apartment tour here in New York. 136 00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:05,751 She's like, "Well, goodbye. Thanks for coming over, ooh!" 137 00:06:05,838 --> 00:06:08,536 "Yeah, yeah, now get out of my apartment please!" 138 00:06:08,623 --> 00:06:10,756 [chortles] 139 00:06:10,843 --> 00:06:15,021 By the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, 140 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,024 I now pronounce you husband and husband. 141 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,374 Bo-oi-oi-oing. 142 00:06:20,461 --> 00:06:23,290 Ooh, that's the spirit. [laughs] 143 00:06:23,377 --> 00:06:25,074 Well, I guess we're all married now. 144 00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:28,556 Wanna, like, come back to our apartment to celebrate? 145 00:06:28,643 --> 00:06:29,775 [chuckles] 146 00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:31,516 Oh, that's awfully sweet, boys, 147 00:06:31,603 --> 00:06:32,952 but I still have to work. 148 00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:36,608 Okay. We'll just see you later then. 149 00:06:36,695 --> 00:06:38,784 Okay, sounds good, see ya. 150 00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:41,917 - We're gonna score. - Yeah, yeah. 151 00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:43,876 [both chuckling] 152 00:06:43,963 --> 00:06:46,618 You know, I always thought being married 153 00:06:46,705 --> 00:06:48,707 was gonna be weird, but it's not bad. 154 00:06:48,794 --> 00:06:50,491 [chuckles] 155 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,537 You know, Beavis, we should have gotten married years ago. 156 00:06:52,624 --> 00:06:55,365 Wait, you guys are married? 157 00:06:55,452 --> 00:06:58,847 Yep, it just happened, like, all of a sudden. 158 00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:00,501 Yeah, we were down at the courthouse, 159 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,982 you know, and one thing led to another. 160 00:07:03,069 --> 00:07:04,549 Oh. 161 00:07:04,636 --> 00:07:07,116 I think I misjudged you guys. 162 00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:08,683 Creeps! 163 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:10,032 Pervert! - Ah! 164 00:07:10,119 --> 00:07:13,079 - Losers! - Ah! 165 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,255 I am so sorry. 166 00:07:15,342 --> 00:07:17,605 Congratulations! 167 00:07:17,692 --> 00:07:20,608 Is there some way I can make it up to you? 168 00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:23,611 You guys have a seat. This one's on me. 169 00:07:23,698 --> 00:07:25,918 We're gonna be doing it later today. 170 00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:28,268 - Yeah, yeah, that's right. - Good for you. 171 00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:30,009 Doing the deed. 172 00:07:30,096 --> 00:07:32,141 Yeah. 173 00:07:32,228 --> 00:07:35,014 This is cool. She's being really nice to us. 174 00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:37,843 Yeah, it's like they say, 175 00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:40,889 being married is a chick magnet. 176 00:07:40,976 --> 00:07:43,675 In fact, she might want to even get in our three-way. 177 00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:45,241 Yeah, yeah. 178 00:07:45,328 --> 00:07:47,069 Yeah, maybe she'll marry us too. 179 00:07:47,156 --> 00:07:50,333 And then we can have, like, a, uh, five-way! 180 00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,813 Yeah. [both chuckle] 181 00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:54,468 - That would be cool. - Yeah, yeah. 182 00:07:54,555 --> 00:07:56,557 I get dibs on the neighbor chick first. 183 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,428 No way, butthole. 184 00:07:58,515 --> 00:08:01,170 I get to choose. It was my idea. 185 00:08:01,257 --> 00:08:02,868 See, you're always like this! 186 00:08:02,955 --> 00:08:04,565 You always have to get your way! 187 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:05,914 Dammit, Beavis, don't embarrass me 188 00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:07,655 at the Burger World. 189 00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:10,745 I didn't get married so you could just order me around! 190 00:08:10,832 --> 00:08:13,618 I got married so the two of us could have a three-way 191 00:08:13,705 --> 00:08:15,315 with the lady from the county! 192 00:08:15,402 --> 00:08:17,970 And so did I. 193 00:08:18,057 --> 00:08:20,102 But that seems like a long time ago now. 194 00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:23,366 I've had enough of your crap, butthole! 195 00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:25,064 We never should have gotten married in the first place, 196 00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:27,196 dumbass. 197 00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:29,024 What happened to Beavis? 198 00:08:29,111 --> 00:08:33,638 Forget about him, baby. Let's talk about me and you. 199 00:08:33,725 --> 00:08:35,248 We can go back to your place 200 00:08:35,335 --> 00:08:37,293 and make beautiful l-- 201 00:08:38,381 --> 00:08:40,470 You creep! 202 00:08:43,430 --> 00:08:46,781 She left her food. [chuckles] 203 00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:50,480 Where's that chick who married us? 204 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,178 Yeah, she never showed up at our place, 205 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,049 and we need to get back on the market, 206 00:08:54,136 --> 00:08:55,616 so we need one of those divorce things. 207 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,836 Oh, you mean Janice? 208 00:08:57,923 --> 00:09:00,795 She's having lunch with her husband. 209 00:09:00,882 --> 00:09:01,970 Husband? 210 00:09:02,057 --> 00:09:04,103 How many guys is she married to? 211 00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:08,411 Uh, I guess we were gonna have a seven-way or something. 212 00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:11,284 Anyway, we don't do divorces here. 213 00:09:11,371 --> 00:09:14,896 You're gonna need a lawyer, and there's a $500 filing fee. 214 00:09:14,983 --> 00:09:16,463 500 bucks? 215 00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:19,118 I'd rather spend that money getting the car back. 216 00:09:19,205 --> 00:09:22,034 Uh, that's a good idea. 217 00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:24,776 And we can just, like, pretend we never got married. 218 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:26,734 Yeah, cool. [chuckles] 219 00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:33,175 What happened to the seat? 220 00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:36,135 It's an impound lot. Stuff happens. 221 00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:39,007 If you don't want the car-- - No, no, it's fine. 222 00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:45,057 Ugh, this is hurting my butt. 223 00:09:45,144 --> 00:09:47,102 I'm gonna have to sit up there next to you. 224 00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:51,411 Come on, scoot over, Butt-Head. 225 00:09:51,498 --> 00:09:53,543 You scoot over. 226 00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:54,936 You're sitting too close. 227 00:09:55,023 --> 00:09:57,547 Dammit, Beavis, cut it out. 228 00:09:57,634 --> 00:10:00,115 There we go. That's better. 229 00:10:00,202 --> 00:10:03,423 Feels good to have things back to normal again. 230 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,120 Can you hear me? 231 00:10:05,207 --> 00:10:06,513 Hey! 232 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,515 [cans rattling] 233 00:10:08,602 --> 00:10:10,256 Hey, Butt-Head, look. 234 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,953 Look at those hot chicks. 235 00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:18,177 Aww, look at those two old guys who just got married. 236 00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:21,658 Oh, look how much they love each other. 237 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,138 You see that, Beavis? 238 00:10:23,225 --> 00:10:24,836 They can tell we're back on the market. 239 00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:26,576 Yeah, turn around, Butt-Head. 240 00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:30,145 It's too soon to get tied down again, Beavis. 241 00:10:30,232 --> 00:10:33,627 We're good just the way we are. 242 00:10:33,714 --> 00:10:36,325 [rock music] 243 00:10:36,412 --> 00:10:43,550 ♪ ♪ 244 00:11:05,485 --> 00:11:06,703 Chirp.